A lot has been going on lately. I’ve been going through some stuff. A month or two ago, I made a resolution to sort of tweak the way I write. I’ve always expressed the darker side of my life and my feelings in words, and despite many people telling me about how they can relate, a lot of people just lack the capacity to understand, much less empathize.
They think we’re looking for sympathy, or worse, attention. No, we’re not. Empathy, is what we seek. When do we want it? Whenever your heart is ready to receive us.
Anyway, I decided to write in a slightly different way- a way that would inspire hope, faith, and strength. To that effect, I would end my posts on a positive note.
A week ago, however, some news hit me hard, and it was just one of those days, or rather, weeks, where everything just turned into a shade of grey and everything else doesn’t seem to matter. The situation was beyond my control, and I felt like the universe was out to get me.
I stayed in bed for a few days. I thought about a lot of things. I went for a few rides at night.
It wasn’t easy, but I got back up on my feet. Everything still appeared grey- everything felt like a drag. I was sucked dry of motivation and every option felt like just a different way of failing. I got up eventually, after I thought things through and reflected on my goals. I thought about what I really wanted, and why I wanted these things.
They can get me down, but they won’t keep me down. I will fight this. It will take me a little longer to get there, but I will get there. This feels better. Defeat tastes different today. This must be what it feels like, to look down the bottomless pit and say, ‘no, not today’.