Of resolutions and revelations.

Since everyone is posting about the new year, 2014, I shall too, being that I am just another conforming individual.

2013 has been a roller coaster of sorts. A cliche expression, I know. There were times where the light almost went out, and I’d spent the later parts of the year pondering about death, and where we go after, if anywhere at all.

I haven’t been the best of anything. No aspect of my life has particularly been great – there were always things which I felt I could have done better. Perhaps, the greatest revelation of 2013 is realising that I cannot do everything, nothing is perfect, and there really is no pleasing everyone.

2013 is where I uncover the fine line between giving myself excuses and giving myself an honest, genuine break. Telling myself that it is okay, and that I’ve done good. Letting myself lay in the gutter just a little while longer before getting up again to fight the demons in my life.

I’ve seen the plastic nature of obligatory relationships, between schoolmates, colleagues and people who come and go, understanding more clearly now that people like to perceive themselves in however way they wish to, and they often do not welcome an outsider’s perspective. Suffice it to say, they’re comfortable in their bubble.

I reckon steering away from these people is the best course of action, which isn’t really hard, being that I’ve always distanced myself from pretty much everyone, as they do to me. I’ve also come to accept that I will never be like the people I see everyday, allowing myself to be okay with not wanting to be like them. I’ve been plagued by misunderstanding because of my appearance and behavior, which most lack the capacity or background knowledge to properly understand. I’ve decided to be myself more, to myself.

I’ll go back to writing, because that is where my mind goes to places that after usually kept deep in the dark. I’ll love myself more, get some well deserved sleep, and go back to swimming against the current again the next day. People do all sorts of things to try to stand out, to be unique and different, but they don’t realize that living different isn’t something that is always a good thing. It’s always easy to fantasize about the negative when you’re living comfortable.


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