There’s one thing about flaws, that is once you see it, it’s hard to ignore them. I mean, sure, you could accept them graciously, defensively retort that nothing or nobody is perfect, but it would always be present. It’s almost like once you discover the secret to an optical illusion, you can see nothing but the answer every single time you’ve been presented with it.
When I cannot see past the flaws, sometimes, I do the cowardly thing of giving up- simply because I cannot stand being constantly irked and frustrated by the presence of that characteristic. Flaws magnify problems to be a lot bigger, more serious, and more annoying and pervasive than they truly are. And so, I see it beyond me to fix it. It feels like the flaws are innate and nothing can be done to reverse it’s effects- after all, how do you actually take it upon yourself completely change these things that is so deeply entrenched and rooted without exhausting yourself and with no guarantee of a success nor the possibility of discovering an even uglier truth?
So, I escape. I raise my white flag. I throw in the towel. Or bluntly, I give up.
Is that a bad thing? I don’t know. Maybe? Perhaps? Probably not. Does it even matter?
But the point of no return when you’ve given up so much that other people stop trying for you too. Soon, they too, see your flaws. They wonder why they even accepted you in the first place; they wonder what happened to you but then later they just assume you entered a different phase of your life and move on with that self-consolation that they tried everything to save you from the pit you dug yourself; they no longer count you as an existing entity- It’s like crossing each other out from each other’s books; what use to be a warm embrace or a high-pitched ‘Hey!’ with some retarded comments reduces to an awkward shrug or the desperate attempt to even acknowledge the crossing of paths; they move on. As you have.
Can you blame them? I don’t know. Maybe? Perhaps? Probably not. Does it even matter?
That’s the thing about flaws- it eats into every good available till there is nothing left of the friendship.