None of the theories of emotion make sense to me as I sat there wondering if it is possible that I am very much desensitized. I do not seem to feel or process the same emotions that these people do, even in the midst of trying events.
I drift away for a moment, fantasizing about the idea that I could very well be a psychopath. I think about the times in the past where I’d felt emotions and evaluate their validity and authenticity. It’s all definitions these days and we’re caught in between what is real and what is defined as real.
I find myself caught in a wave of social obligation once again, stretching myself thin to meet the expectations of others. It is easy to suggest otherwise and ‘live for yourself’ yet there is a certain underlying obligation that we have to uphold as part of the terms and conditions of living in a particular society. These unspoken rules must always be followed. Failure to do so would result in you being ostracized.
I find it rather intriguing, but mostly confusing, that I am unable to feel the emotions that I should be feeling because of everything that is going on, relative to ‘normal’ people. My inability to feel is starting to worry me, yet it is once again the social obligations that create this ‘worry’ in me.