They’re saying that you’ve been too emotional. You’re depressed and you don’t quite know why exactly.
Lately, the littlest things bother you, not over the top but these splinters leave little cuts on your skin that accumulate over time and does not seem to heal. The world becomes a darker place all of a sudden and you feel alone. Not just lonely, but really alone.
The silence of the night is not what scares you. It is the silence in your head; the lack of inner thoughts. The voices are quiet and I suppose, now, you’re really alone. Every step you take is a step closer to the edge and you’re not sure what to expect. In fact, you don’t want to expect anything anymore because expectations lead to disappointments and you’ve had enough of those. Definitely, enough.
You’ve never had a real friend who you felt connected to. One who would do more than listen, one who would beg entry into your darkest places and stay with you. At least, until you’re ready to get up again.
You’ve never felt a real connection to anyone in that sense, maybe, just maybe, because you hold close to you a bias that no one could or would ever really understand you. Ultimately, you feel jaded. Everything around you zooms by so quickly that you’re sometimes lost in all the commotion and you start to wonder if you ever had any control to begin with in the first place.
You’re swept off your feet again and again and right now, face flat on the ground doesn’t seem like such a bad thing after all. The only problem is that you’re starting to think if you should get up again because really, it’s getting familiar and comfortable, all too quick. You start to wonder about the things that once brought you solace and peace but these things have lost their meaning in the pursuit of everything you were programmed to desire.
As a result, you lay in bed all day, living each day without any sense of direction because that too, you’ve decided you have had enough of. If the meaning of life is finding the meaning of life, why not be ahead of the curve and just..live.