I had originally thought of doing a piece, article of the day or week or month. Then I found out I was pretty lazy and thus shall coin this section, “I feel like writing an article on an article”. So there you go.
The article in question this time comes from our dearly beloved Straits Times: http://www.straitstimes.com/breaking-news/singapore/story/marina-expressway-be-ready-year-end-20130517.
The piece starts off with not only an accurate description of public funded bureaucracy but dwells into the needless intricacies of “Baking With Precious Stones 101”, “Finishing touches are being applied on the MCE”. It’s like at the end of a long and winding road, when they’ve finally finished the billion dollar birthday cake that comes complete with a pop up buttered hoe that would make a 90 year old have a hard on and enough light refracted from diamonds to make a blind man go blind again. How utterly delightful.
Still, a breakdown of the costs ARE necessary of course, to ensure that everything is spent in prim and proper order worthy of the Looting Thieving Assholes (or LTA, for short). Out of 4.3 billion dollars;
1.5 billion – Spent building the road itself
0.3 billion – Spent ensuring the 420m undersea tunnel is fully air conditioned, fitted with bullet proof glass, speed cameras and ERP gantries.
2 billion – Spent building an underwater aquarium around the undersea tunnel, and populating it with sea life.
0.5 billion – Spent on Loo Suck You’s bonus for a job well done, the master has needs just like us you know.
Money has to be made from it however, and frankly with only the ERP gantries it will take roughly 10 years to cover the full cost, which is unacceptable. How can we milk the natives further you ask? Well then, the undersea tunnel is just the thing, plus it promotes safety! Singaporeans being Singaporeans while driving in the undersea tunnel, will slow down and start taking snapshots with their iSlaves while placating their children who are jumping out of the car like breathing pogo sticks, waiting for the sharks to eat the little fish, which is ironic considering that’s what’s gonna happen to them in a few years. The undersea tunnel will then be branded as a tourist destination that rivals that of the South East Asia Aquarium, and that of Gardens By The Bay, both Ironic figures themselves. Yes ironic, not iconic and this will be no different.
They’ll break even in 2 years, and in that same period reduce the number of accidents on the road, with bonuses for everyone except you, me and 99.8% of the country. Move over Singa you old lion fart, and make way for “Under The Bay”.