One Answer Fits All

So I saw this news article while traversing through the mazes of social media, this little gem of an article found among the likes of diabetic inducing couples who find it necessary to let the world know they’ve gotten together and will commence the process of fucking anytime soon (They’ll let us know whether we like it or not, obviously) as well as people who have an uncanny magical ability to take dozens of photos in mere seconds and upload it on Facebook. Individually. Oh what’s on Facebook today? Your face, your face, your face, your face, oh and YOUR GOD DAMN FACE. Close ups dearies? That’s nice. How about wiping the oil off your face, or covering the bulging white mass on your face that looks ready to pop out of a surprise birthday cake with extra whipped cream. Once is all right, I can hide the “story” on Facebook. A dozen times made me smash my head against my desk.

So going back to the article, it cannot really be construed as a gem on hindsight. It only seemed slightly brighter if only that it was surrounded by shit and Mediacorp leftovers. I then realized that the shine was actually produced from a tear I shed. Yes, a tear; stemmed from the fact that when on the once glorious platform of social media, I am in actuality standing right in front of a perpetual fart that sometimes produce brown, steaming hot liquid. A lot like grandma’s hot chocolate, when she’s 80 and half her rectal walls are collapsing faster than Xiaxue’s dignity.

At any rate, this is the article:

Yes, it has indeed reached the critical state of things. We’ve hit the 500 mark ladies and gentlemen. Damn it, we were fine at 499. Who gives a shit about the 499 right? That means as the numbers chalked up, were we in Singapore Dengue Super Fun Time where everyone is non-existent but only upon the hitting of the 500 mark, it’s the Apocalypse? Yes, sounds about right.

This article is also reflective of how the Powers That Be tend to approach every single problem in Singapore. Our masters’ standard answer for everything is, “Everyone in the community must contribute”, “I encourage more Singaporeans to contribute”, “Younger Singaporeans must step up and give back”. It’s like a B Grade television series that’s focused solely on a singular topic that’s been showing for a decade, and the only reason why it’s at the top of the charts is because it’s mandatory to, enforced of course by the government. Thankfully, this particular B Grade television series does not exist at least in this reality and certainly, no proper government would ever to that to the people. Ever.

However, I believe that the emotional appeal to cajole us from the clown prince has long been sucked dry. What they should have done to maximize robotic efficiency is to slap a fine on to the subject matter (Which they have already done) to bend the majority of the populace to – Oh sorry, I meant legally and rightfully appeal to the great citizens of Singapore who will follow the Great One till death (Which they already have). This goes against typical Singaporean efficiency. How disappointing. Why waste time convincing the people that they are of a bigger picture when you know they’re nothing more than peons. Sometimes peons with ugly pixelated uniforms and a locally made toy gun. Sometimes peons in skimpy dresses, enough make up to choke a tree and a banana for good measure to literally appease the overlords, who may at times prefer younger peon meat. And of course, sometimes these peons are so efficient that you could replace them with an ATM machine and no one would know the bloody difference. The only reason why that isn’t being done is the premise of Peon Rights, or what little there are.

All in all, it really is a load of bollocks coming personally from the prince of bollocks himself in bollockapore in an Anonymous Bollocks session simply because the underwhelming peon doctor missed his butt with the injection and entered an entirely different hole instead. The prince of bollocks has literally been and still is, butt hurt.

But forget not the Peons Creed: “Werk werk”.

That is indeed, our single answer to all the problems in the universe – Sorry again, I meant island.



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